Most people in the world have experienced a break up, whether it is a short fling coming to a natural end or the earth shattering, gut wrenching end of a loving relationship. If you are one of the lucky few who have never experienced a break up, just be grateful that you have never had to deal with the excess baggage you reclaim at the end of any relationship. Oh boy does that baggage suck! Nothing like the wonder Dior tote I am toting around here.
But after listening to Ariana Grande’s latest song ” Thank U, Next” it opened up a whole new perspective in my ends when it comes to dealing with this baggage. As I mentioned before the baggage sucks and when I say baggage I mean the self doubt, the mistrust in people, the paranoia etc. But instead of all that maybe, juts maybe we can leave the past behind and just cling on to the lessons we have learnt. Now before we do that, lets visit the baggage reclaim and delve into some of the baggage one might have to deal with once you have had to pick it up.
Break ups happen for a multitude of reasons. Bad timing, love loss, cheating, people not being on the same page about huge life decisions. Of course lets not forget the boys who lead you up the garden path, and then round the mulberry bush … FUCKBOYS! (Pardon my french but apparently that is the official term for this caliber of man) I am sure I am missing out many more reasons for relationships end but these where the first few that popped into my mind.
Over the years I have gotten better with dealing with break ups or the natural endings of some relationships, whether they are friendships or relationships. I am not a fling kind of girl, not that there is anything wrong with that at all. I am not good at being flung or flinging around!! I have noticed over the years that I have picked up baggage from all my previous relationships, whether it be my doing or the other persons doing. That baggage gets checked in the moment I meet someone new, and that is awful! Why should anyone else have to pay for someone else’s mistakes.
But unfortunately this happens to everyone. I really, really try not to let my hang ups from previous relationships affect the new one. The honest answer is, that it does.
For me if I get a little paranoid, or suspicious about anything funny I would close up like a clam, a clam that is desperately clinging on their pearl inside. In my case my heart, my feelings and my sanity. Then I would people away because I am scared of being that heart broken girl I once was. I know what she is like ad I know I am not that girl anymore but the thought of ever being that sad again is terrifying.
I always think that you should always treat people the way you wish to be treated, regardless of what your relationship to them is or how you feel about them personally or whether you like them as a person or even share the same views or not. I always try my best not to be an ass wipe for a lack of a better term. People in my life will know that I have a razor sharp tongue, and over the years I have really started to think before I speak. Because at the end of the day you never really know what someone else is going through, and what crosses they might be bearing. Whether there is something going on in their personal life, family, career, money or mental health. Therefore you should always be kind, and thoughtful and treat people the way you wish to be treated with respect.
During the time of any break up plus the aftermath of one, it is a battlefield of emotion, mixed with a seas of question. I have not only experienced this but I have seen so many of my friends go through this too. From the age of question “what did I do?” then there is the “what is wrong with me?” question we famously ask in despair. Then we move on to the more complex ones which require a fine tooth comb to carry out a more thorough investigation.
Over time I have come to realise that trying to figure out what is going through someone else’s mind or why someone does something is not going to change the outcome however you slice it. I know it is a lot easier said than done. I was once that girl scrolling through every message and reliving all the previous conversations trying to recount the exact moment things have changed. Let me tell you it does not help and it does not change the outcome. Saying that in some relationships I knew when and where the turn happened but sometimes you just do not know when or why.
These 2 quotes really do emphasis my point:
Basically do not stress out about the could haves, if it should haves, it would haves.
There is a quote from Maya Angelou that has always stuck with me and I think it is valuable to remember when it comes to any relationship whether it is a romantic one or platonic one. “When someone shows you who they are… believe them.”
Nothing shows you someone’s true colours than when they do not get what they want. It is a sad lesson to learn but it is oh so true.
Listening to Ariana Grande’s latest break up tune (is that what the youth are calling songs now? I do not know I am nearly 30!) was one of the most refreshing break up songs I have heard in a very long time. It was honestly very inspiring to see someone who has been through so much in the last few years thank her ex’s for the lessons that they have taught her. Rather than sings that soul destroying sad break up song, that makes me want to dive into a tub of ice cream (dairy free of course)!
This song got me thinking about being a bit more positive about the baggage we reclaim. Taking all the quotes, plus advice from people and fortune cookies. Why not just accept the lessons we have learnt from the break up. As Ari said, “One taught me love. One taught me patience. One taught me pain. Now I’m amazing. I’ve loved and I’ve lost. But that’s not what I see. So, look what I go look at what you you taught me.” I could not agree with these lyrics any more. She said it perfectly. As the saying goes “it is better to have loved and loss than never to have loved at all.”
All the heart break, all the baggage, all the lessons you learn will lead to one very important lesson. That is to value yourself and not to base your value on the way someone else views you and treats you. Pick up that baggage with pride, you will be a lot more emotionally aware and stronger, also try and leave someone else’s mistakes with them because you should not feel guilty about that. As long as you are proud of yourself and the way you have carried yourself through that is all that matter. All these lessons will lead you to having a more healthy relationship with yourself which will then lead to a better suited relationship for yourself. Because you know your what and you know at you want and need and most importantly what you deserve.
What is the best advice you have received when you have been dealing with the aftermath of a break up? Leave me a comment down below.