Doughnut (see what I did there) be so hard on yourself, why not sprinkle a little bit of self compassion and be kinder to yourself.Everyone at the moment goes on about how you need to be kind to everyone and show love and compassion to everyone you come into contact with.
Firstly this is absolutely right, just like the instructions for oxygen masks on a plane is first put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help anyone else. I think the same applies to kindness, be kind to yourself. It has to start from within. We live in a world full of comparison, criticism, ridicule and judgement I find that we are so much harsher on ourselves.
I think the real route of harshness starts from body appearance, I know mine is! It has become a real topic of conversation (about body issues – not my body) all over social media and the media too, and sure everyone is trying to do their best about sharing a more body posiitve message. From brands now not air brushing their models to perfection to, to using models of different shapes and sizes (and colour). But there is still the brush of perfection that seems to brush over everyone especially over instagram, and some media too. Everyone still favours the super skinny (nothing wrong with being a skinny minnie at all) and it is not a representation of all girls.
I am heading out of my 20’s and it gets to me sometimes, my body hang ups. But this got me thinking about how grateful I am to be not dealing with this in my teens.
Online everyone talks about being kind to each other and not saying anything mean etc etc, and this is all true. But why can’t we be that kind to our selves ? It’s like they say happy people are not mean, so why don’t we take the time to be kind to our selves. Sometimes we talk to ourselves in a way that we would never talk to anyone else. “Look how fat you are!” “She is so much nicer than you.” “My legs are horrible.” “I hate myself.” “I hate my hair.” “I hate my stomach.” “Why don’t I look like that.” I could go on.
People online do love to post their food, and usually they photograph the pretty stuff that’s pretty healthy too. When you then go about your life you seem to think that’s what you should be eating, and that’s why that person looks like that and you look like you. Social media has made everything super accessible, which is fabulous but it also means that it has created a beast of insecurities too. We compare ourselves and put ourselves down so quickly, it is ridiculous. When I was growing up I was always the shortest person in class, and I also had the craziest curly hair (thank god for GHD’s and the help of a few good beauty products the beast is tamed). Growing up I wanted to be taller, with bigger boobs (they sprouted later) and straight hair. I remember my parents always saying, you will be short because you literally pulled the short straw in the family and you will have curly hair. The sooner you realise that the easier it will be for you, stop comparing. I am not going to lie, this always has got me through those self doubts – plus these were the days of no social media. I do not look at the super skinny girls and crave to look like that, but I seem to be so much harder on my self about everything, whether it is looks, life choices, eating choices. I could go on. I find myself beating myself up for everything which is no way to live.
Everyone also seems to be so smooth and shiny, no lumps, no bumps, no stretch marks – and always hairless. Okay I accept the not always hairless part because, I am lazy (sly emoji face) As I have gotten older I have had random lumps and bumps appear and yes they get to me because it seems no one else has them. But that is so not true, we all have them no matter what size you are. It is nice to hear from girls who are my size, smaller ad bigger have stretch marks and cellulite because we are women with what I like to call – life marks. I have always been insecure of my stomach ad upper midriff not because of my size but because I have always had this huge scar on it from a surgery I had as a baby. I hated baring my midriff even during the Spice Girl Era and even when I would go to the beach I hated wearing a bikini. My ex said something to me that always stayed with me – he said that this scar saved your life, and without this we would not have you with us, so the next time you hate it remember that. Isn’t it funny how someone else views your biggest insecurity and helps you change your perspective. I am not going to lie, it still bugs me – especially when I see everyones scar free belly, but I have to remind myself that this scar saved me and not to be so hard on myself for it!
We all seem to focus a lot on food, and what everyone seems to be eating. Everything is gluten free, dairy free, fun free – ah it drives me a little insane. Because of the way we are we start to restrict our selves, from enjoying life. Whether it’s not eating a doughnut or cake. Cutting things from our diet. Of course for health benefits and to be healthy is a different matter but we are starting to care way to much the perception we are giving off. That we are healthy humans, and which we all should be. But YOLO sometimes and eat that damn donut, it won’t kill you! If you’re healthy and working out etc. why not enjoy yourself sometimes, eating sea weed crisps is not that exciting, who are we kidding so eat the real thing sometimes. Look I’m not saying everyone needs to be unhealthy humans, but all I’m saying is give yourself a break from the non-fat, gluten free, dairy free, soy free, fun free items and just have a little fun.
I have had to remind myself that I am not a Kardashian, where I have a sea of people helping me out with everything. I cook, clean, work out, am a single puppy mum, work, create content all on my own. So sure I am not skinny and I do not look the way all the girls on instagram does and that’s fine because I am human, with a few lumps and bumps who loves to eat a donut or 2.
C’est la vie!